absconditus

how come opportunities come along when you aren’t looking for them? or don’t want them at all? is this an opportunity or just a distraction? i just don’t understand. were you waiting for your time or did this just come out of nowhere?

here is how i feel:

• i don’t want a boyfriend. at least not a new one.
• boys are much more confusing than girls.
• i don’t mind the flirting.
• i don’t mind the idea of kissing you.
• i do mind where you think it will go.

and furthermore. i am just coming off of something huge. GIANT. something i didn’t want to end. did you expect to have me welcome you with open arms? because i won’t.

currently, i really like this whole “i answer to no one” stuff. i like not waiting on someone who doesn’t come through. i like not being disappointed by anyone but myself. because I control it.

maturity, right? depending on yourself. standing up for yourself. saying “no, it’s not ok for you to treat me like this”. honestly, the second i got a taste of this whole confidence thing, i have become such a confidence lush. those people who don’t respect you? once they figure out you’re drinking the confidence juice they back off.

but still. i’m so confused by this whole male issue.