absconditus

ahhh….it has been weeks.

semester is nearly finished. here is what i have accomplished:

• played some amazing cello
• worked my butt off
• studied like crazy
• untied the cinder block that was drowning me
• found my missing wings

here are my goals for winter break:

• make enough to pay off my credit card
• take a freaking breather
• practice
• play beautifully and thoughtfully, focusing on my tone and musicality. while playing scales.
• learn 1 and 3 of beethoven. like a champ.

i have been just thinking about where i could be right now. i could be at the same place i was months ago. miserable, worrying about someone else’s happiness before my own. scared of my life and where it was going. or the lack of movement. the stagnance of my life and its components was terrifying. my heart was tired and my spirit was dimming.

and now i am here. my playing is better than it has ever been. i have goals. plural. i have opportunities because of my hard work and determination. i am moving forward in life instead of standing still. and i have support. i have someone that i have been dreaming about for a long time. and he was dreaming about me. i haven’t been so happy in such a long time….i almost forgot what joy feels like.

finals, break, spring semester, festival auditions, apprenticing for teaching.

looking to the future, i am refusing to look so far back.