absconditus

so.

it’s been a week and i am STILL a coward. seriously. i am strangling the words in my throat because i am too flipping scared of the trouble they might get me in. of course, i know how wonderful the result could be, but the bad is just too much to bear.

and of course, we all know what will happen. i will be saying those three lovely, gut-wrenching, world ending, wonderful words at the most inopportune time. like, over the phone as he is hanging up. he will hear a faint “……love you” in the background as his phone goes *click*.

god, i’m neurotic.

in other news. i am blindly and frantically applying to summer festivals. one can assume that i will not be accepted because, let’s face it, compared to many other collegiate musicians, i really suck. but i will continue to barrel on as though i am halfway decent and can make a living out of playing music.

one is in texas, the other in vermont. i probably won’t even be able to afford travel expenses. two tickets please, one for me and one for my big ass chellah.

back to school. back to focus. back to some motivating factors in my life.

i am the worst self starter on the face of the planet. someone slap me please.

seriously, i AM going to tell him.

AGHH.