absconditus

the question that remains unanswered is this:

“do we repeat our relationships?”

am i continuing on in the same path as i was? is this the same person in a different body?

my problem is not with supporting and understanding. my problem is with the fact that i have had smoke blown up my ass for months. ‘everything will be better after my recital.’ lo and behold, here i stand, bringing up the rear again. do you want a few years where i just kind of hang out and let you do your thing? because if you want a committed, long-term relationship, i refuse to continue being last place. you’ve treated me like crap for the past few weeks because of your stress levels, but you have no regard and patience for mine. i cannot do this again. i cannot let someone take advantage of me and my time and my care while having no regard for me.

your neck hurt. i rub with with my retarded hands. where is the neck rub i was promised? i have tons of promised back rubs too. should i tally up and keep score? relationships are about giving……what are you giving me?

oh. and the reason i feel so ugly is that i have been having to pull your arm to even look at me. i sleep right next to you and you have shown no interest in me in a week. how the hell do you think i would feel?

don’t talk to me like i am fucking kid. the truth of the matter is that, as an adult, i know what i want in a relationship and i am going to fucking say it. i don’t care if it is too much for your sensitive self, i support what you do, but not the way you treat me when you do it.

i will not be someone’s background support system. i will either stand next to you or not at all. it is your choice.