i feel so small
and here is a barrage of self-pity and self-loathing.
while i understand that you can and should be selfish, the irresponsibility i have exercised with someone else’s emotions is reprehensible. because i am hurting, it’s ok for someone else to hurt? even if i make it right, the scars will remain and this is my fault and lies on my guilty conscience.
i am currently confused. i know where i stand on the issue of another man.
however, as far as my “ex” goes, i have no idea what to do. his moment of clarity has come 2 months later than i needed. is this revelation enough to save it? or is it simply enough to break me further? he loves me, he wants to be with me, i am the one for him, he needs me. is it enough? or is it just inconvenient and too little too late?
i love him. i do. but i don’t know if that love is enough to save all of this. i don’t know if it is enough to fix all these hurts and all these problems.
it’s time to go have that tough conversation. i am dreadng it and my stomach feels that discomfort.
as for “the love of my life”……..i have no idea.
